Demotivated

My good friend has just tendered his resignation. Dah lah down with the flu, down lagi dengan berita ni. I just came in to work this morning after being away for 5 days - sick. And today pun I am not in the best mood to work. Hidung masih meleleh, kepala macam floating je. I don't know if it's because of the virus, or because of the medication. Either way, I am not feeling at the top of the world. And I got my increment letter this morning which is not all that great. Alhamdulillah, syukur itu rezeki Allah untuk aku. Aku terima. But somehow since through the grapevine I came to know about salary of others with the same position as me, I can't help but feel not motivated. So, with all those, I am officially demotivated.

Demotivated as in I really don't know what to do or want to achieve at work anymore. Yes money pays the bills. And I am ever thankful to Allah for that. Sikit banyaknya yang Dia anugerahkan kat aku on monthly basis, aku bersyukur. Cuma aku tak tau apa lagi yang aku nak achieve lagi kat sini. Nak carik keje lain, I feel like I am too old for that. Boleh? Looking at people around me, memang aku yang tua lah in this team. But there are a lot of examples out there where older people are actually still happily working. They still have things to achieve at work and hala tuju tu clear je. Aku ni, aku rasa macam tak skillful to do other things. I do well in whatever that I am doing now. Tapi macam benda-benda boring. Nothing excites me for the time being.

Looking at things, I am probably excited when I am at home. Even when I was sick and sitting at home doing nothing. I feel more alive. I thought about maybe I need to look for other options. But when I think again, it's going to make me feel the same again. And I think the best thing is for me to do something on my own. I just feel like dropping it all and venture into something - my own. And the major problem that I have is my life is not debt free. If only it is, I would be happy to quit my job and goyang kaki doing nothing while wondering what I want to do with life.

Life is short. Just do it. Errkkk.. I am not Nike lah kan.

Agaknyalah kan, kalau aku bertahan dulu, and for the time being fokus on clearing the debt and not making any new ones, mungkin leh abih cepat kot hutang? Talking about that, I need to advertise my apartment in Cyberia tu secepat mungkinlah.

I need to start my own business lah. Tapi keberanian tak cukup. Takut tu lebih dari segala. Maybe it's about making a bold decision and just go for it. Maybe lah. Tapi kalau terlungkup, what's worse that could happen? Paling tak pun jadik bangkrap je lah kan? For as long as tak ambik hutang dengan AhLong ok kot? Or should I pindahkan nama asset pada orang lain? Cheeeewaaahhhh.. macam banyak asset kan?? Ada rumah dengan kete je pun. Nak letak rumah tu atas nama sapa pun tak tau. Or maybe that's the wrong mindset already to begin with? Thinking about failure before even starting?

Oh people.. I need some words of wisdom..

Angah