The office

This is something that I have written about a month or so back. But due to the nature of the situation at that time, I can't share it here although I am dying to write... So here goes...

Last few weeks my bigger boss asked me if I want to fill up the position that is going to be vacated by my colleague in the next month or so. My colleague is my current boss whom I report to. The moment he asked me that question, my straight-away answer was ‘no’.

The reason for that is that I am quite comfortable in my current position. It’s my comfort zone. I have my subordinates who are capable of carrying out the necessary tasks assigned to them and I am a bit more relaxed now. There are headaches and heartaches but that come as parts and parcels of the job. If there are no headaches and heartaches, then might as well there’s no my-position, right? I am paid for that and I have accepted it. Willingly. Coupled with the new spirit that I had when I came back to the office early this month, wanting to focus more on the afterlife, the comfort zone suits me fine. I had a talk with Wan at that time and told him that I am happy with what I am doing, finally managed to bring my staff up the curve. I am probably like a mother whose children are all grown up with less growing pains issues. I even spoke to my colleague – the one that’s resigning – about my plan. Which is nothing much. I am happy where I am. No need to think about career growth anymore. And, just when I thought that I am so much settled down, my bigger boss had to pop the question to me.

Ish.

Hence the answer was ‘no’.

Last week he asked me again. This time around, I could not just say ‘no’. Well, I tried. But he came out with his reasons which made sense to my little mind. If I don’t take it now, when I am ready to take it, the position might no longer be there. So now is my chance. After a short discussion, I told him I’d think about it over the weekend.

I spoke to my current boss. I told him that I wanted to do istikharah. He said just take it.. there’s nothing to think about. Then I spoke to Wan. Wan has not much comment to what I said. I then decided to just ask Mak.

Over the weekend, I spoke to Mak and my sisters. My sisters made a remark that others are looking for promotion when I decided not to. Silly isn’t it? To a certain extend yes. Then Mak said, “kalau ada rezeki, jangan tolak”. Mothers are always the wisest person, isn’t it? How could I argue with her answer.

So today, I came to work with my decision made. I am not hoping for the big boss to pop the question again. But if he did, I came prepared. Boy he remembered and asked. And so I said ‘yes’ to him and told him that I am aware as well that it’s not a promise. It’s just that I am willing to take on that responsibility should I be offered.

There you go. I have asked Wan and Mak. And with their blessings, I leave it to Allah. Que sera sera. But deep inside, I am afraid that I am not able to do the job. I doubt my ability. Besides that, I have to dedicate more time to work. Pay comes with responsibility, right?

Whatever..

Now about a month after the piece above was written, I am already assuming a new position. The position is an 'acting' position and comes with an acting allowance. Alhamdulillah. I am happy with the acting position. At least it still gives room for both parties (me and management) to retract the position and pass it to others if need be.

I still have my previous role to carry and new role as well. At the moment it's not too much different from what I used to do. Except that now I have privy to certain things that have been kept confidential before. I don't know if it's good or bad. Honestly, as compare to other promotions that I have got, this is scary. I have never felt scared to get promoted. I was always happy to get one. But with this role, comes much bigger responsibility. Hence that scares me. When I was informed that management has agreed to my boss' suggestion, a part of me was happy and a part of me was scared. I didn't go home like a happy kid with excellent exam results. I was happy, but it was not something that I felt like celebrating about. Weird isn't it?

Now I need to look for a new staff to replace my previous position. I have a bunch of staff that's handful to handle. It's true.. managing people is not easy. Maybe it's like managing kids. No two kids are the same. Parents have what they thought is right. Kids have different thought. And I am worried if my staff talk bad about me. Not because I think that I don't deserve it. But I think because if they talk bad about me, it means that I am not a good boss. And I am not doing my job well. It's hard to be nice and yet get things move. How I wish it's so simple.

Anyway, I am not complaining. Rezeki Allah aku terima dengan redha. Kalau satu hari nanti bukan rezeki aku lagi, aku tetap redha. Semua tu dah dijanjikan Allah.

Till then.

Angah