Ramblings

Hhhmmm.. apa nak tulis ek? Kalau dibiar tak bertulis lelama, nanti jadik kejung semula blog ni. So I should write something even if it means nothing ;)

Lately ni aku selalu rasa macam mati makin hampir. I don't know why. It's just the feeling. Bila aku tengok parents aku, especially Abah, and thinking about my PokDe who passed away last month when he was a year younger than Abah reminded me that I might not have that much time with Abah. Well, we all might not have much time with each other, isn't it? Entah. So aku harap kalau tiba saat orang-orang yang aku sayang dipanggil pergi, aku takde regret apa-apa. I mean, I should have made them happy to the limit that I could possibly can.

Aku penah sembang-sembang dengan Abah pasal nak buat bisnes dobi. Itu je bisnes yang aku nampak masa depan sebab aku ada kawan yang ada bisnes ni. Cerahhhhh masa depan dia sekarang ni. And I am so much interested. But the problem is the capital lah kan. Too bad at this age, penabungan aku idak le boleh menjadik contoh pada sesapa pun. Tang tu, insof kurang. So bila sembang-sembang dengan Abah, Abah willingly nak bagi aku duit buat modal. Yelah, pinjaman lah kannn.. soft loan gitu. Dengan aku, Abah ni lemah sikit. Mungkin sebab bila aku pinjam duit dia and janji bila nak bayar balik, aku akan bayar balik. Atau mungkin aku anak harapan dia kot? Entah. To me sama je. Adik beradik aku yang lain ada contribution masing-masing pada family.

Anyway, semalam Abah tanya aku.. bila nak buat bisnes tu. Aiseh. Jawapan aku macam biasa, takde masa nak buat survey etc which is required for it. Abah pun soft talk lah dengan aku. Orang yang nak bagi soft loan ni soft talk dengan aku, leh? Muehehehehe.. Basically I have to find the time for it. Which is so very true. But lately ni, besides banyak benda lain yang kurang, time is one of them. Waktu ofis terhad. Despite being the head, my movement is tight. I can't go out when I want for a fear that I would be needed urgently in the office when I am away. Nak ambik cuti, aku tak leh ambik sebarang. Lebih-lebih lagi with the family problem that I am facing right now.. Tu pun satu.. moga-moga cepatlah selesai dengan selamatnya.. Amin.

Aku rasa the main thing why I am procrastinating is because there's no 'pushing factor'. Cuba kalau tengah takde keje or tengah sempit hidup, mesti pantas je aku bertindak, kan? Tulah manusia macam aku ni.. Tak reti nak menghargai kesenangan sebelum kesusahan. I should really make an appointment with my friend and go for it. Aiyo.. sapa lak aku nak trust untuk survey location nih..

Nak buat bisnes ni kena take leap of faith lah aku rasa. The urge tu takde, tapi decision must be made. I really need this business for the future lepas dah berenti keje. Kalau tak mula dari sekarang, bila lagi kan? At least if I have started something, then by the time aku retire or much earlier, it would be stabilised already, I hope. Bisnes ni pun more for the family. Untuk adik-adik aku, moga hidup diorang kurang mencabar. Kesian aku tengok diorang hidup kais pagi makan pagi kais petang lum tentu makan. Nasib dok dekat dengan parents aku. So boleh gak kais-kais kat rumah Mak. Kais-kais kat rumah Mak mesti jumpa makanan punya kan? Inshaallah masih ada rezeki di situ..

So, bila nih???

Angah

Menginsafi diri

Lately ni hidup aku tak berapa nak teratur. Baruuuuu je awal tahun hari tu cuba nak ngatur hidup. Lum abih satu quarter, plan terburai. And the sad thing is, it's not me who memburaikan my plan. Grrrrrr! Marah aku dengan orang itu yang mengganggu plan aku. Tapi tulah.. marah pun bukan leh buat apa pun. Benda dah jadik. Kalau dapat ku putar masa, harus ku putar telinga orang tu supaya mendengar kata. Tapi sebab benda-benda macam tu di luar kawalan aku, terpaksa pasrah. Berserahlah aku pada Allah yang mengatur hal sekalian alam. Tuuu diaaaa ayat! Ekekeke.. Tapi betullah tu. Berserah.

Hidup aku gundah gulana ni benonya. The good thing is Wan is there with me. But deep inside, I am suffering. Selagi hal ni tak settle, jiwa terus kacau. Other things in my life are put on hold because of this. Aku mohon pada Allah agar hal ni selesai segera. I need to focus on my life. Not on others. I want to be selfish but I can't. Diluah mati mak, ditelan mati bapak. Dok le benda tu tengah tekak. Lelama, sengkak tekak aku. Ekekekeke..

Manusia macam aku ni, time susah mesti ingat Allah, kan? Well, time lain pun ingat gak kat Allah.. Tapi idak le sekerap bila ditimpa kesusahan. Bila ditimpa kesusahan camni, rasa macam nak dekatttttt je kat Allah. Kalau tak, takat ingat 5 kali sehari pun payah. Itu pun leh culas. So mungkin ini balasan Allah lah kan. Atau mungkin ini bantuan Allah untuk aku menuju ke jalan Dia. Bertabahlah dengan dugaan.

Kesusahan jugak mengajar aku mencarik cara menenangkan hati. And I found it best by berzikir and berselawat. It really works. Bodoh sangat statement tu aku rasa.. I mean, as a Muslim, dah tua bangka lak tu, I SHOULD know that berzikir and berselawat work well untuk hati, kan? But nooooooo.. it has to come with a test from Allah, baruuuuu nak rasa nikmat tu semua. Jahil gila aku rasa.

Tadi aku borak dengan colleague about hidup and mati. And it came to me that aku ni benonya dalam perjalanan menuju ke tempat yang abadi. Aku ni dalam perjalanan untuk berjumpa Allah. Bila tarikh perjumpaan tu, nobody knows. Kalau tarikh itu dah dekat beno, memang fail le aku ni. Like fail to the deepest end gitu. Nauzubillah!! Allah... bilalahhhh aku ni nak betul-betul boleh keep in my head that this life is just temporary and akhirat itu abadi ek?

Yesterday, aku tengok-tengok kain-kain yang aku dah beli berbulan dulu. Remember I shopped in Jakel? Remember aku ada beli kain-kain batik? Ehem. Aku suka tengok kain-kain yang aku beli. Kira perangai bangang aku gak tu lah. Belek-belek, pastu happy tak tentu pasal. Sambil belek tu, tetiba it came across my head that benda-benda tu sungguh duniawi. Aiseh. And I am soooo happy ada benda-benda duniawi gitu. Kata orang, selagi kita suka dengan benda-benda duniawi, selagi tulah takkan cukup. It's like minum air laut. Lagi minum, lagi dahaga. And bila dah leka dengan dunia, harus kurang dengan akhirat kan? At least for me lah. Untuk orang lain, mungkin orang lain pandai balance kan dunia dan akhirat. I told Wan about it, and Wan pun terdiam. Probably dia pun rasa sama? Entah.

Anyway, aku perlu lebih bersyukur pada Allah dengan apa yang Dia dah bagi pada aku. Aku perlu lebih ingat Dia, bukan je dikala susah. Andddddd.. aku berharap sangat Allah permudahkan dugaan yang aku lalui sekarang ni dan moga doa aku, harapan aku dimakbulkan Allah SWT... Amin.

Angah

31st March 2012

31st March 2012. It was our fifth anniversary. Alhamdulillah. We have passed the first five critical years. That's what people say. To me, we have passed the 'teething' years. We have passed the years where we tiptoed around each other, to ensure that we don't step on each other's foot. It doesn't mean that we don't step on each other's foot anymore. I still get hurt. I still hurt him. For as long as we live together, we would hurt each other. And love each other. But I have learned to live with his shortcomings. I am more tolerable now about it. Makan hati still ada. But lesser. I learned to be a wife yang diredhoi suami. Redho Allah ada dalam redho suami. Redho suami, redholah Allah. So kalau nak successful in this life and hereafter, belajarlah menjadi isteri yang diredhoi suami. Nak diredhoi dengan suami, I have to redho dengan suami. Confusing? Hahahaha.. It simply means that kalau aku redho dengan suami as in not picking up on little things with him, jangan asik membantah, jangan malas nak layan suami etc., suami akan redho dengan aku. Tu je.

I feel the rahmat from Allah melimpah bila aku mula redho dengan suami, kurang carik pasal, kurang membantah. Hahahahaha.. kaki bantah maaaa.. Bukan tak boleh bantah, tapi bila pikir kata hadis Rasulullah S.A.W that I quoted on the sidebar of this blog, I would rather masuk syurga than membantah kat dunia ni. It's not easy to obey si suami. Tu pasal reward dia besar. And I only learned about it after being married. Not that I want to discourage the unmarried ladies out there from being married. Kawen bila dah sampai jodoh! Kawen tu sunnah. Nabi tak ngaku umat kalau kita menolak sunnah dia. Dah kawen, taat pada suami selagi tidak melanggar hukum Allah. Payah, tapi untung. Nabi suruh buat benda wajib je.. tak stress on benda-banda sunat pun.. then patuh pada suami.. then masuklah syurga dari mana-mana pintu yang kita mahu. As we know tidak semudah itu nak masuk syurga kan? Hence tak semudah itulah nak patuh pada seorang manusia bernama suami.

Tahun kelima is actually one of the major milestones to us. But we didn't buy each other anything pun. Ehem. Complacent maybe? Entah. Busy nak lampos dengan hal duniawi pun ye gak. I should get something for him. And we planned to have dinner with my family that night in Melaka.

We went back to Melaka with my parents, my sisters and their families. Hari Sabtu tengahari dah sampai Melaka. We were told that Emak's brother, whom we called PokDe had a stroke a few days earlier. So we planned to visit him that night after maghrib before we went for dinner. He is Emak's eldest brother, the third of seven siblings. Emak is the fifth. Unfortunately, at about 6pm that night, Emak received a call that PokDe has passed away at about 5.30pm. Innalillahiwainnailaihirajiun. So with that, we had to cancel the dinner plan. This is another death yang mengajar aku jangan bertangguh bila nak buat sesuatu hatta nak melawat seseorang. You never know when is your time or the other's time, kan?

I have seen death before. My grandparents. My friends. But my mom's sibling is someone much closer in terms of the hierachy. I mean, this is my mom's brother, someone my mom grew up together. He was closed to my dad as well. They grew up in the same kampong. And my dad married his friend's sister. Something like that. Or probably my dad befriended my uncle to get close to my mom? Could be, isnt' it? He is (or was?) about my dad's age. Lagi terkesan. My cousins are our age. Lagi terkesan.

The sad thing about this death besides the lost, is that there's a family feud. It's too deep to share. I just hope that all of the are back together just like before.

Al-Fatihah untuk PokDe.

Angah

The office

This is something that I have written about a month or so back. But due to the nature of the situation at that time, I can't share it here although I am dying to write... So here goes...

Last few weeks my bigger boss asked me if I want to fill up the position that is going to be vacated by my colleague in the next month or so. My colleague is my current boss whom I report to. The moment he asked me that question, my straight-away answer was ‘no’.

The reason for that is that I am quite comfortable in my current position. It’s my comfort zone. I have my subordinates who are capable of carrying out the necessary tasks assigned to them and I am a bit more relaxed now. There are headaches and heartaches but that come as parts and parcels of the job. If there are no headaches and heartaches, then might as well there’s no my-position, right? I am paid for that and I have accepted it. Willingly. Coupled with the new spirit that I had when I came back to the office early this month, wanting to focus more on the afterlife, the comfort zone suits me fine. I had a talk with Wan at that time and told him that I am happy with what I am doing, finally managed to bring my staff up the curve. I am probably like a mother whose children are all grown up with less growing pains issues. I even spoke to my colleague – the one that’s resigning – about my plan. Which is nothing much. I am happy where I am. No need to think about career growth anymore. And, just when I thought that I am so much settled down, my bigger boss had to pop the question to me.

Ish.

Hence the answer was ‘no’.

Last week he asked me again. This time around, I could not just say ‘no’. Well, I tried. But he came out with his reasons which made sense to my little mind. If I don’t take it now, when I am ready to take it, the position might no longer be there. So now is my chance. After a short discussion, I told him I’d think about it over the weekend.

I spoke to my current boss. I told him that I wanted to do istikharah. He said just take it.. there’s nothing to think about. Then I spoke to Wan. Wan has not much comment to what I said. I then decided to just ask Mak.

Over the weekend, I spoke to Mak and my sisters. My sisters made a remark that others are looking for promotion when I decided not to. Silly isn’t it? To a certain extend yes. Then Mak said, “kalau ada rezeki, jangan tolak”. Mothers are always the wisest person, isn’t it? How could I argue with her answer.

So today, I came to work with my decision made. I am not hoping for the big boss to pop the question again. But if he did, I came prepared. Boy he remembered and asked. And so I said ‘yes’ to him and told him that I am aware as well that it’s not a promise. It’s just that I am willing to take on that responsibility should I be offered.

There you go. I have asked Wan and Mak. And with their blessings, I leave it to Allah. Que sera sera. But deep inside, I am afraid that I am not able to do the job. I doubt my ability. Besides that, I have to dedicate more time to work. Pay comes with responsibility, right?

Whatever..

Now about a month after the piece above was written, I am already assuming a new position. The position is an 'acting' position and comes with an acting allowance. Alhamdulillah. I am happy with the acting position. At least it still gives room for both parties (me and management) to retract the position and pass it to others if need be.

I still have my previous role to carry and new role as well. At the moment it's not too much different from what I used to do. Except that now I have privy to certain things that have been kept confidential before. I don't know if it's good or bad. Honestly, as compare to other promotions that I have got, this is scary. I have never felt scared to get promoted. I was always happy to get one. But with this role, comes much bigger responsibility. Hence that scares me. When I was informed that management has agreed to my boss' suggestion, a part of me was happy and a part of me was scared. I didn't go home like a happy kid with excellent exam results. I was happy, but it was not something that I felt like celebrating about. Weird isn't it?

Now I need to look for a new staff to replace my previous position. I have a bunch of staff that's handful to handle. It's true.. managing people is not easy. Maybe it's like managing kids. No two kids are the same. Parents have what they thought is right. Kids have different thought. And I am worried if my staff talk bad about me. Not because I think that I don't deserve it. But I think because if they talk bad about me, it means that I am not a good boss. And I am not doing my job well. It's hard to be nice and yet get things move. How I wish it's so simple.

Anyway, I am not complaining. Rezeki Allah aku terima dengan redha. Kalau satu hari nanti bukan rezeki aku lagi, aku tetap redha. Semua tu dah dijanjikan Allah.

Till then.

Angah

Yang tak boleh diucap..

It has been a week since I last updated. It has also been a week since my life turns topsy-turvy. It's not in equilibrium. The left side of the equation is not balanced with the right side of the equation. I haven't been to the gym for the week. My vitamins intake were also haywire because I don't eat and drink properly. My sleeping pattern has also been affected. And the saddest part is, the culprit was someone else. Someone who refused to use God-given brain wisely. Urgh.

Nonetheless, life goes on, right? So I am planning to go to the gym again this week. It doesn't matter that I fall into a pit. I have to pick up where I left and carry on with life. That should be the spirit.

Sakit tak tertelan
Luah juga menyakitkan
Makan dalam hati dihiris
Tenang di wajah bukan ukuran

Angah

The flight that u-turned..

It happened back in May last year. I was on my way to US, for both business and pleasure. And this is how the story goes..

Wan was already in US. He attended a conference in Las Vegas the week earlier. I don't know why some people would organise a conference in Las Vegas, but apparently they did. So his trip was more like a pleasure than to a business for him, unlike mine. Wan does not have a smartphone (he still does not have one). And his stupidphone doesn't have dual-band or whatever that's required in order for the phone to be useful in US. So despite having a phone, it's a total useless in the States... Errr what Wan's phone got to do with this story? You'll know later.. Carry on reading..

So the week that I was supposed to arrive in US was the week that he was supposed to be heading back to Malaysia. It works well for us because once he completed his business-like trip, he could join me. But he would be on holiday mode when I would be struggling with my meeting and presentation. No problem.

Since the company is cutting back on a lot of things for cost savings measure, I didn't fly on our 'Malaysia Hospitality' airline. Instead, I took a Thai flight with a connecting flight in Bangkok. The flight was on a Saturday and the plan was to arrive on Saturday US time as well. It was a good plan. I got to rest on Sunday before the meeting on Monday. It's also good for Wan because he was traveling back on Saturday and we should meet at the airport. Great plan.

The flight from KL to Bangkok was about 2 hours and then transit in Bangkok was probably about 6 hours. It was fine with me. I took the same flight the previous year and kind of know the routine better this time around. I had my time and logistics properly planned. Or so I thought. *insert lagu..kita mampu merancang hanya Tuhan menentukan..*

I had made a hotel booking in Los Angeles for that Saturday because it's planned that we rest in LA before traveling to San Diego on Sunday. I was traveling with my boss from KL and was supposed to meet up with the customers in LA, as well as with Wan.

After the 6 hours or so transit in Bangkok we boarded the aircraft. Everything was still going on as plan. I had called Wan on his colleague's phone and made a date with him. This is like dating on those years where handphone was not known yet, remember? Plan had to be made in advance, and whoever arrived there first have got to wait for the other party to arrive. Somehow it worked most of the time. Once in the plane, I followed the 'schedule' that I have made for myself. It's simply to ensure that I have the least jetlag possible. So far, I can't recall having jetlag problem in my life. So it means that whatever plan that I have had worked or my body just adapt easily. Alhamdulillah.

Just before we took off, the pilot announced that we would arrive ahead of the schedule due to tail-wind. We would probably save about an hour, which was good considering the original flight time was 14 hours. While waiting for the first meal to be served, I just turned on the in-flight entertainment to occupy my time. Once done with the meal, I went to sleep. I didn't bother talking to other passengers. My boss sat on a completely different section of the plane so I didn't see him and he didn't see me. It worked well as well.

I couldn't remember what woke me up but when I woke up and looked at my in-flight entertainment screen which has been set to show the flight route on a globe, it seemed that the destination was Bangkok. I thought to myself that something must have been wrong with the screen. Then it showed that the time at departure was 1am and time at destination was 1am. Again, something must have gone wrong with the screen, I thought. LA time and Bangkok time are not the same and they are not 12 hours different (which could just explain the mistake between am and pm). It couldn't be due to the tail-wind. We can't be THAT fast due to tail-wind, can we? And then I heard the passengers near me were talking about the flight turning back, mechanical problem, bla, bla, bla.. Erk? Problem? Turning back? Erk?? I couldn't keep quiet anymore and so I asked. And so I was answered. Yes, the flight was turning back to Bangkok due to some hydraulic problem. Huh? Turning back? Serious? No kidding??? Can't we just land anywhere and get the problem fixed?? Uwaaaaaaaaa!!! We were more than 3 hours in flight and turning back meant that we would be spending 7 hours in a flight to nowhere. That's 7 hours out of 14 hours!! Uwaaaaaaaa!!!! Gawddddd!!! I coudn't comprehend all that. It was like a drama, in my head. I wanted to let my frustration out but there's a whole plane full of frustrated people, right? So no need to be that dramatic. It's better to turn back and safe rather than landed in the middle of the ocean and nowhere to be found, right? Think positive. Right. Positive.

Besides the drama in my head, I had Wan to think about. You see, Wan was supposed to be separated from his colleagues a few hours after my departure from Bangkok. They would board flight back to KL and he would be left in LA. Alone. With no phone. You know at times when you pray like you've never prayed before? That was one of those times for me. I was praying that Wan would still be with his colleagues and I could still reach them before they left. Besides that I was hoping that Wan would use his common sense in finding out about the flight if he didn't see me land. Well, that's sort of a hope or rather what I would do if I were in his shoes.

After 7 hours of flying, we landed back in Bangkok at about 2am Bangkok time. Flying across time zones mean that I would set my mind to the time at destination the moment I board into a plane. But at that time, I was all confused. I forgot whether Bangkok time was ahead of KL or not or the time in LA. So the first thing to do when we landed back in Bangkok was to get hold of Wan's colleagues. Syukurrrr alhamdulillah they were still together. They were all still transit in LA. I had to rearrange the logistics with Wan, and had him to book into the hotel on his own. That's the first hurdle. I was yet to know what would be the next arrangement and when I would actually arrive in LA and how to communicate with Wan once his colleagues were gone. It was then combined with the fact that my phone battery and my laptop battery were drying out since I had used them during transit. I would need an adaptor in order to plug them to the wall. But my adaptor was with Wan. Brilliant Wan didn't want to get an adaptor for himself. His logic was that by the time I need to use the adaptor, we would be together. So no need to get another one, and he took mine. So there I was, adaptor-less! Gosh. Fenin!

At Bangkok airport, there was not much guide on what to do next, where to go to etc. We were like a herd of cows with no pengembala. We were just following someone else's instinct on where to go and what to do next. Finally we managed to all get together and met at the designated meeting point. We were told that we would be given a hotel room each, to surrender our passport and we would be picked up from the hotel at 9am the next day. By then it was probably 3am. All our checked in luggage were left in the plane. I had to make calls and advised those necessary that were involved in the business meeting due to the uncertainties. At that time, time differences as to whether the other party was fast asleep or whatever didn't matter. It was considered as emergency.

We were all taken in a few buses to the designated hotel. It was amazing that all of us in a plane that's full can fit into one hotel. Of course it's a big hotel. But I didn't get to sleep immediately. I managed to borrow an adaptor from the hotel. I had to rearrange the hotel and car reservation in LA and SD and email the necessary people. Only then I could barely try to sleep, but still worrying whether I had set the alarm clock at the correct time. I couldn't afford to miss the plane.

In this mis-adventure, I am forever thankful to a tip that I learned long time ago. Every time I travel and have to check in my luggage, I would make sure that I have a spare clothing with me, in my hand carry luggage. It's to ensure that I have a least something clean to wear just in case my luggage goes missing. Little did I think about taking a flight that u-turn. Not only clothing, but also basic cleaning stuff like tooth brush and tooth paste.

The next morning during breakfast, it's funny that I saw many of us were wearing the same clothes. And for guys, many of them look like they just got out of bed because they didn't shave. Can't blame them, right? I don't think they can bring shaver into the plane these days.

A few buses then took us back to the airport and again like a herd of cows we were taken through the airport security. This time around, we were led by the airline representative.

Boarding the plane, we were greeted by the same air hostess. Funny gila aku rasa. I said to the air hostess, "Same crew?" She answered, "Yes, same crew, same flight, same passengers". Ahahahahhaa.. Lawak, okeh. We sat at the same seat, and it's like a dejavu. The only difference was on the flight timing. The original flight was at night but the replacement flight was in the afternoon. There was another flight with the same flight number for that night heading to LA. So our flight was numbered with 'D' at the end of the flight number to indicate that it's for the previous day's flight. Just to be sure that other passengers boarding for the night flight won't get confused!

This time around, the flight went on schedule. There was no more announcement on the tail-wind so I didn't hope for early arrival. I couldn't recall how I managed to inform Wan on the flight schedule. I guess I made him find a public phone and call me from time to time until we have the firmed schedule.

It was a great relief when the plane finally landed in LA on Sunday and it was a greater relief when I saw Wan's face at the arrival gate.

The end.

Angah

Kisah Benar

Si isteri menceritakan kepada suami yang dia sudah agak sesuai pergi ke gym sendirian..
"I tengok orang yang lagi besar dari I pun selamba je workout.. Takde orang heran pun nak tengok orang lain.."
"Ada orang lagi besar dari you ke?", tanya si suami.
Ehem..
Sungguh jauh ke laut antara maksud yang ingin disampaikan dan maksud yang tersampai.


Dalam perjalanan pulang dari kerja, keluar dari biru (out of the blue), si suami menyanyi..
"Perempuan kalau tak pandai menjaga badan.. suaminya tentu lekas menjadi bosan..
Erk..
Apakah maksud lagu itu?


Pasrah atau redho?????

Angah

Once..

This is a 'before' picture... *nanges*

Today is 29th February

It's 29th February peepss!!! I just love the date. A date that comes once in 4 years. So got to write an entry to mark the date although there's nothing much to write.

Yesterday, I didn't go to the gym. Not because I don't want to, but because of logistic issue. Wan has his futsal at 9pm and he needs to use the car. I reached home dah nak pukul 7.30pm. Harus tak sempat nak rush to the gym and later to the futsal. So I decided not to go. But, it didn't mean that I didn't do anything. I did aerobics peeps ;)

I have a new aerobics CD that I got when I bought a box of Nestle Cornflakes. It came with the cereal box. It's a latin body pump CD (or something like that) and I thought of giving it a try yesterday. It's not bad actually. The moves are simple although I still miss the steps. It's a combination or salsa, rumba and chacha. Simple but I sweat a lot. Unfortunately it's only for 20 minutes. So after that, I did a bit of floor exercise - for tummy, thigh. Oklah tu. At least it's something rather than nothing. And it's good that I don't feel like dragging my feet - yet - to do all these exercises. Hopefully the momentum will continue on for long. Or even forever if possible.

Semalam sempat berangan bagai.. I know that I won't have a washboard flat kind of tummy. Never had it before and I am pessimistic about it. Same thing with lean thigh. It has got to do with the body shape as well which is determined by the genetic whatever. This, I don't make up. It's a fact. Those with pear shape, will remain pear shape. Those with apple shape, will remain apple shape. Those with hourglass shape, will remain hourglass shape. But what can be done is make the shape 'nicer' and leaner. Sooo what I berangan about last night is to go to a slimming centre, to do whatever, when I have got my existing fat trimmed down to an 'acceptable level'. Going to the slimming centre will be just a matter of getting rid the 'final' fat that's going to turn me into a swimsuit model figure.. Boleh??? Ekekekeke.. Berangan tak boleh blah, hokehhh!!!

Because of the limited time that I have to do exercise after work, I have to plan my dinner time. According to Kevin Zahri, which I believe from what he has learned and practiced, to do cardio exercise, it's good when the tummy is empty. The reason for that is when the tummy is empty, the body will burn the fat that's 'readily available'.. I can't remember the term of that fat. I know it starts with 'g'. What I mean by 'readily available' here is the fat that you just consumed, yang lum jadik lemak tepu. It's like we will use our pocket money first before we use the money in the bank. Once that has been used, barulah lemak tepu dibakar. So it's actually good to do cardio exercise in the morning lepas bangun tido. But it takes a lottttttt of motivation to do so and I am definitely not one of those who can. On the contrary, for weight training, you can't do it when your tummy is empty. Weight training needs energy. So you need to eat something like half hour or an hour - I can't remember exactly - before you do weight training. With that in mind, combining with the fact that I eat at my in laws house a couple of times a week, I need to plan my dinner time. I discussed with Wan and I told him that I might just take cereal in the office for dinner before leaving home. Tuuu diaaa dedication! Ekekekeke.. Penat wooo exercise but not doing the right thing when it comes to food.

Ok, just a little bit of info that I need to put here, as a reminder to myself and whoever that reads this blog and interested in losing weight ;)

1 gram carbo = 4 calories
1 gram protein = 4 calories
1 gram fat = 9 calories

Rule of thumb: 1 kg of body fat = 7,700 calories

*don't ask me why body fat's calories are not the same as the food we eat*

Gulp! So now we know why it takes soooooo long to lose 1 kg kan? When I fastwalk or slowjog on the treadmill for about 15 minutes, I only burn about 100 calories. Rasa macam nak mampos but that's the reality. Even if I run for 1 hour, it will only be about 400 calories. That's why, to lose weight, it has to be combined with healthy eating. It's easier to reduce calories intake rather than to lose it later.

Oh mannnn!!!!

Angah

Progress - or the lack of it

I sooo wanted to blog about something that happened at work and want to keep it private. But I can't figure out a way to do so. Soooo I wouldn't write about it. What a shame because I have already typed it in another document and I just have to post it here. Well..

So let's just talk about something else, shall we? ;)

Let's talk about my progress.. which is not much. Mueh! I have been to the gym twice now. Didn't go over the weekend because I was away. And away means that I don't bother controlling what I eat. Huhuhuh! Bother lah but difficult to control. I was at my parents' place. How lah to control kan.. But then again, I am not planning to be on a strict diet regime anyway. I want to have a healthy living as opposed to short term weight loss program. I want to have a new lifestyle - which is a healthy lifestyle. I need to exercise, and look after what I eat but not to a point where I can't eat almost everything. It's about moderation in anything I do.

On the second day at the gym, I still didn't look for the trainer. I just ran on the treadmill, did the skiing thingy, did the bicycle thingy and a bit of leg exercise. No pain on the muscles as well. But I thought, if I exercise everyday, or almost everyday, I should burn something right? As opposed to doing nothing? So theoretically, I should lose something by November, right? Hahahahah.. jauh siot target!! I remember when I worked on losing my weight in university, it took me about 7 months before I could be happy with my achievement. Consistency is the key.

So today, my plan is to do a little longer on the treadmill. Kevin Zahri mentioned in his blog that he spends about an hour in the gym because anything more than that would not have much impact on the body. So, that's my plan. And that's what I learned as well. To lose weight, exercise about 40 minutes, 5 times a week. Of course we are not talking about Biggest Loser kind of competition lah. We are talking about changing lifestyle here. I am going to apply again what I have learned before. I would need to have variance to my exercise routine. Got to do some swimming as well now that I have figured out the closest pool that I can go to *jeling Put*. Muehehehehe! It doesn't matter if tuan rumah ada ke tak.

Besides exercising, I should start eating 6 times a day. 'Eating', not 'mentedarah'. That's something that I haven't got in motion yet. I have to start stocking up my fridge with healthy food and got to bring them to work since I spend 5 days a week at work. I need to ensure I have fruits for snacking in between meals. Itu yang payah. Got to remember to eat is difficult, boleh?? It's just the same as got to remember to drink. Got to make it a habit.

Another thing that I want to do is to get my photo when I was slim and put it on my desk in the office. It's a motivation for me. Been there, got to be there again.

So there you go. The plan.

Angah

First day

Woohooo!! Finally yesterday, I went to the gym. Yes I wanted to go there since last Monday. But because I wanted to go with my friend whom I managed to persuade to sign up with me and forget the other gym that she has been to, I have got to wait until she is available. Somehow this week is bad for her. There were a lot of things that she had to do and we had been postponing our plan since Monday. And we finally did it yesterday. Fuhh!

I don't think I achieved much yesterday. I didn't even make appointment with a trainer. I got a couple of sessions with a trainer once I signed up and I should learn something from the trainer on what need to be done to achieve my goal. But I am still too intimidated with gym thingy. I really have no reason for that. There's like inferiority complex in me. As if I have never done any exercise all my life. As if I weigh 100kg. Macam saspen semacam je to ask for a trainer. Actually a trainer called me last week but because I was not sure when I wanted to go to the gym, I didn't set any apppointment with him. But after that first call, he has not called me yet. Maybe because I told him that I'll look for him on Monday early this week. Entah. I am still hoping that he'll call though. I think I can benefit a lot from a trainer - in the sense of guiding me what exercise to, the number of repetitions, the duration, intensity etc. Fuh!

And as a result of last night's exercise, badan tak sakit apa pun. Muahahahahah! Nampak sangat I haven't pushed the body, kan? If I did, I would have felt something by now. Hish. Rugi.

Hari ni pulak, my friend said that she can't make it again. Got a kenduri that she has to attend. And because of that, I am contemplating whether I should go on my own or not. I should actually, now that I know how to at least use certain equipment. Tapi tulah kan. Shy ke hape ke I don't know. Bodoh sangat. Macam budak nak masuk sekolah gitu. Some kids are brave and bulldoze everything. But me, I am the timid one.. Huhuhuuhh.. Hard to believe gitu! Hahahahaha.. If I go, and manage to brave myself, I am going to look for the trainer that called me the other day. Moga dia to somehow 'encouraging' lah kan.. Moga dia ada daya lebih nak attract aku untuk exercise and push myself to the limit.

I didn't even take my weight last night. Tak sanggup. Biar lah. I would know if I have lost weight once I lose inches on my clothes. Kalau baju seluar dah tak ketat, dah lose weight lah tu kan. By then only I would weigh. Kalau tak rasa macam discouraging sangat.

Angah

Bad habits

I like to procrastinate. Although I don’t like people to procrastinate, I am guilty of doing it myself. I normally do it to things that are tedious. Things that require a lot of my attention. It’s important but it’s not urgent. Memang akan dok celah-celah manalah keje tu nanti. If I could swipe it under the carpet, I would. But berapa banyak pun leh dok bawah karpet kan? Harus mengelembung karpet tu nanti..

Besides procrastinating, there’s another perangai of me that’s bad. I don’t like to tengok surat-surat hutang. Ekekeke.. Boleh gitu? Buat hutang takpe, tapi takmo tengok surat hutang. If you guys read shopaholic books by Sophie Kinsella, character Becky tu.. I sort of can relate to her. How she wished that the letters will eventually vanish into thin air and all the records gone magically. Hahahahah.. Bodoh, yes. But those thoughts came to my mind. Now dah takde lagi. Alhamdulillah. Syukur I now have somehow managed my debt. I am still not debt-free but it’s not as bad as before. It’s manageable.

Basically the two habits or attitude or whatever you call them, are bad. Sooner or later, those that I want to avoid would catch up with me and I have to face the music. A very badly composed music.

Anyway, yesterday evening, I got a call from Kastam. Ni hal ehwal keje lah ni. The call was picked up by my colleague because I was not at my place. When she told me Kastam called, I already knew what they want. It’s something that they have asked since last year and I have put it under the carpet. It’s in my head but I’d rather not do anything about it. Banyak benda lain have priority over that. So it’s in my head, but buried somewhere, with a hope that it just go away magically. Unfortunately it does not. Sigh. Saspen gak masa diorang call tu. Balik rumah, dok serabut risau semacam. As usual, bila dah serabut risau gitu, ingat Allah lah kannnnn.. Ingat zikir.. Ekekekeke. Dasar iman nipis.

Pagi ni, awal lagi aku dah call diorang. Dalam pada saspen, I have to get it done and over with. Zikir tak putus lah kan. Aku call, line engage. Tak lama pastu orang tu call henfon aku. Aiseh. Probably the line crossed when we tried calling each other. The conversation was very easy. Siap aku propose untuk aku hantar staf aku ke ofis Kastam and bring the document. Happy je orang Kastam tu. Easy sangat the conversation and I am so glad! Aku rasa sungguh berkat zikir lah.. Yelah, I wouldn’t know otherwise, right? But aku yakin dengan bantuan Allah.

Now that I have passed the work to my staff, aku lega gila. No, the task has not been completed yet. It’s far from being completed. But since I can share the work with others, I feel so much lighter. Idak le duduk di batu jemala patik je. Yippie! Happy ;)

Besides this apa lagi ek keje yang dok bawah karpet tu eh? Adaaaaa... Ada MOM yang dah berkurun aku tak buat. Uwaaaaa!! I just hate to do it. Tu pun nak kena pass to someone gak to do it. Basically, things that I am passing to others ni, are things that I have done singlehandedly dulu. Semua pun aku. Now, it’s good that I can pass it around. Keje manage diorang. Barulah betul, kan? Ekekekeek.. Come to think of it, there were really a lot on my plate with nobody else to fall back to. How did I manage eh?

Angah

Health and Fitness

I am not feeling all that well at the moment. Got running nose, sore throat, batuk and blocked ears. All the penyakit of ENT. The blocked ears are bad this time around. It was worse when I had to go up to Genting for the weekend where the office held a team building event. Annoying pain when the pain is blocked and there's lesser and lesser sound passed through the ears. Nak nanges pun ada. And this is almost the same feeling I had last couple of years when I had to go to US while having flu. Grrrrr! Up till today, dah dekat seminggu dah sakit gini. No, I haven't seen a doctor yet. I don't really have a reason why I haven't seen a doctor yet. Mungkin sebab aku leh jalan sana-sini which doesn't make me feel sick kot? Sick, yet not to the point where I have to rest in bed all the time. Makan je lah ubat yang dah ada tu. Tengoklah minggu ni camana kalau tak baik-baik gak. Agak pelik gak sebab aku dah kena flu ni dua kali within this year. Aku bukan selalu kena flu. Lagi makan vitamin (though tak konsisten) lagi datang lak sakit nih. Entah nape ntah. Mungkin sebab menjangkit dengan anak-anak buah aku kot. What I noticed, flu budak-budak ni, virus dia kuat. Aku tak kena dan-dan tu. Tapi sekali kena, lambat baik. Layan je lah. Sakit tu anugerah Tuhan gak tu.. buat kita ingat kat Dia, kan? ;)

Malam ni inshaallah aku akan ke gym for the first time.. I mean first time at this particular gym. Gym dulu dah penah pegi. Tapi tak jadik ke mana pun. Hopefully ada istiqamah tahun ni. Hopefully, by the time my age hits 40 in November, aku dah jadik sorang 40an yang mantap. Mantap tu mungkin macam Sheila Rusly ke, Sheila Majid ke, Aida apa ntah yang dulu tu Aida Rahim (I know she's in her 50s but that's the message - mantap!) or anyone for that matter. The reason why I have to blog about it bukan sebab nak riak, tapi sebab by saying it out loud, I hope I get myself more committed to the plan. Insyaallah.

Last weekend personal trainer kat gym dah call aku nak buat appointment untuk free sessions yang aku dapat lepas signed up hari tu. Pergh. Saspen wa! Ekekekeke.. Aku bagitau dia tunggu hari Isnin nantilah ye. Basically, my first target is to build up my stamina. Stamina memang takde langsung. Pancit naik tangga ofis yang tak berapa nak tinggi ni. Terasa sangat mencungap. So selagi takde stamina tu, camana le nak buat exercise yang lain-lain.. rasa nak pecah jantung jek! So that's the first target. Then, to be healthy and kurus. Aku suka je kalau dapat badan macam Jillian Michaels tu tapi Wan kata macam keras kayu sebab minah tu muscular lah badan dia. Nicely toned.. Hahahahaha.. Tak best katanya. Nanti macam peluk kayu. Errr taknak peluk kayu, gemuk-gemuk ginilah best kan?? Banyak sponge kan?? Ekekekeke.. Tapi tak gak dia nak. Well, tu suma jauhhhhhhhhhhhh lagi nak capai. I am taking baby steps so no rush. Rasa macam tak nak timbang before mula benda ni suma pun ada gak sebab takut once dah mula timbang, asik nak menimbang je pulak kejenya. Pastu bila tak turun, sakit hati. Tu yang nyampah tu. Anyway, we'll see. I haven't planned with my friend pun berapa kali seminggu nak pegi ni. At least in the beginning ni, nak lah ada kawan. Once I've got familiar with the place, hopefully pegi sorang-sorang pun ok je.

Hopefully with the combination of CONSISTENT vitamins intake and exercise, I will life a healthier life. It's for my 'body', the one and only body that I have until masuk ke liang lahad.

For the 'mind', aku sekarang ni tengah baca buku pasal 'Khalifah-khalifah yang benar'. Arc yang suggested the book and now I have bought a few books under the same author. The books are quite inspiring. In a way, though they are not motivational books so to speak, there are a lot of lessons that I could learn from the history. And the books are nicely written. Tak bosan baca. My nephew yang malas membaca pun suka je baca buku titled 'Bilal bin Rabah'. I hope he really reads the book until the end and learns something from the story. Baca sejarah para sahabat ni buat aku rasa malu dengan diri sendiri yang sibuk mengejar duniawi. It helps to bring me back to earth. I hope to read more this year, and that's not only focus on novels semata-mata. Probably I should put a target berapa banyak buku perlu dibaca setahun, kan? Nanti dululah ye. As long as I pick up a book during my free time, dah cukup baik dah tu.

As for my 'soul', pergh jauh lagi perjalanan. Takat download apps dalam iPad tapi tak amalkan tak guna gak kan? Cumanya kurang rasa guilty sebab dalam iPad tu ada macam-macam ilmu instead of games je. Bila nak really mula mengaji dengan guru, tak tau. Errrr agaknya Ustaz Don tu dok tak kat area rumah aku? Kata Wan, kita ajak Ustaz Don ajar lah. Berdesuppp aku jawab nak! Hahahhaha.. Tapi terus dipandang serong oleh Wan! Ekekekeke.. Besides that, sekarang ni aku cuba untuk rajin berzikir. Alah, zikir simple je kan. I am trying to fulfill seconds yang aku melaghu tu dengan mengingati Allah dan Rasul. Moga Allah dan Rasul ingat kat aku kat akhirat nanti. Insyaallah. Again, baby steps! Banyak yang jatuh dari melangkah. Tapi kalau ikut perangai baby, diorang ni tak reti serik, kan? Lepas jatuh, lepas nanges, langkah balik. So that's what I should do.

Angah

Love from The Loaf

Azam 2012 - Follow up

If you guys can still remember or follow my previous entries, I wrote about my azam for this year. And this entry is sort of a follow up to that. I am not planning to write long. Got something to do but still got to blog while this thing is still 'fresh'.

Ehem.

My main azam is untuk mengurangkan perbelanjaan, right? I have listed out things that I shouldn't buy or can buy or whatever. Anddddd... *drum roll* I... have actually bought..
1 - a handbag as mentioned in my previous entry. Huhuhuhu.. Ok, I want to swear tapi takut makan sumpah kan.. So this is my alasan to buy it. See, got to come out with alasan.. Hehehehe.. Errrr my alasan is I need a new 'black' handbag. Handbag yang ada dah 'lama' and 'kecik'. *rasa macam nak tutup mata sambil taip sebab rasa macam salah je alasan tuh!..ekekekek*
2 - kain batik sutera untuk baju kurungs. Don't ask the quantity. Tak sanggup. Ekekeek.. Salahkan orang yang buat promotion kat Jusco Seremban. Sapa soh bukak booth banyak-banyak and display barang-barang yang menyakitkan mata aku ni kan? Yelah, lagipun aku kesian kat diorang tu.. datang jauh-jauh dari Kelantan and Terengganu. Jauh tuuuuu.. Anddd since aku tak berjaya nak ke Ganu masa cuti hari tu, jadik lah beli je kat Seremban tu kan? Harga pun sama je. Errr I hope so lah sebab yang aku beli tu range macam kat aku beli kat Ganu and Kelate je.

So there you go. That concluded my shopping for the year. *Ya Allah bantulah hambaMu yang lemah ini.. Amin*

Aku macam ada nak terrrrbeli kasut gak ni. Tapi lum jumpa yang berkenan. Alasan untuk beli kasut lak is.. aku takde kasut jenis yang flat yang cover my toes. Mocassin punya type gitu. Don't know if the spelling is correct ke tak. Tapi korang paham kan maksud aku? Imagine je le udah. So that's another thing that I want to buy.

*Gosh! If I keep on listing things that I want to buy, maybe that helps me to keep to my azam kot? Because macam rasa bersalah nak langgar the words that I have said out loud?*

Ok, enough about spending habit. I am really hoping to stick to the plan.

Next is about nak kurus kannnn.. This is like a neverending story about my life. And I am sure I am not alone in this world. I can't blame it on genetic because my parents tak gemuk and so didn't my grandparents. So kalau genetic pun, it means that I am building up my own fat DNA, if there's such thing. Whatever.

I am so gullible when it comes to weight loss products. Pantang tengok ada cerita pasal orang kurus cepat, suma aku nak explore. But bila dah tua ni, I am more concern on my health or the impact on my health if I take benda-benda ni. So kalau aku nak ambik anything that I need to consure, I make sure ada approval from Kementerian Kesihatan. And of course halal. Tapi kalau produk yang gosok-gosok kat luar badan, aku sanggup je beli.. kalau macam berpatutan. Recently, when my sister yang berpantang got a losyen halia tu pakai underneath her bengkung yang zap-on je and saw the effect of her (ok to be fair, she is extremely thin and buncit pregnant is purely buncit pregnant.. after delivery, buncit tu cuma tinggal busut-semut-yang-baru-nak-buat size only while my buncit is like bukit Broga..), so I decided to get one as well. Ni suma try masa cuti hari tu lah ni. Kata dia, tangan tak pijar masa sapu the losyen. It's important to me sebab aku ni jenis tangan cepat pijar. That's why aku tak suka pegang lada. Since she also is in the same boat as me when it comes to tangan pijar, I trusted her words. And I got one for myself. Tapi tak le berbengkung. I discovered that the losyen akan pijar kalau kulit terkena air after using it. Kalau tak kena air, you won't feel the pijar. Boleh?? Bila dah terkena, baru aku tau, hence now aku tak basuh tangan immediately after use even though the instrustion on the losyen suruh basuh tangan lepas guna. So far I can't say if there's any effect ke tak. Takpelah. Biarlah guna satu tiub kasi abih dulu and see whether I shall continue or not.

Besides that, after long argument within myself.. should I or shouldn't I thingy... last night I have signed up to a gym!! Huhuuuu!! It's about having healthy lifestyle. Cheeewahhhh!! Hahahaha.. As I said earlier, got to take care of my mind, body and soul. Semua kena seiring. It's hard to keep mind and soul healthy kalau body tak healthy. Sama gak kalau mind and soul tak healthy, susah nak keep motivated to keep the body healthy. So sambil pejam mata, I signed up. Kata gym tu, ada promotion sempena their 3rd Anniversary kat situ. The rate that I got was good as well. I believe so lah. I signed up together with my friend. My other half masih lum nak join. Takpe. Pelan-pelan kayuh. Kalau dia dah sedia esok, dia joinlah. No point paksa and bazir duit kan. Kata promoter tu, rate yang aku dapat tu valid until last night je. They have been having the promotion since the last week or so. Kalau sungguh, syukur murah rezeki aku. Kekadang promoter ni bukan leh caya sangat, kan. Salesman lah katakan. Yang penting dia make the sales. Whatever.

The funny thing is, after signed up, I went melepak with the friend. Lepak sampai midnight and when she was about to drop me off, baru kitorang diskas pasal bila nak mula. And both of us benonya tak free until Monday, boleh? I have a team building that's going to take place from tomorrow until Sunday outside KL. So memang kena start Monday lah kan.

So there you go people... That's my plan for the year, baby steps all the way..

Angah

JPO - My review

It was not a planned trip. There was a talk about going there after a wedding in Simpang Renggam, but no firm decision was made. And since dah dekat benar (as compare to the distance from KL lah kan), we decided to just go there. It took us probably about half an hour kot from Simpang Renggam.

The drive was okay and it’s not difficult to find the way there. Enough of road signs, if you get into the correct exit in the first place. It’s Senai Utara exit or just follow the one with Desaru on it. Easy pheasy.

When we got there, it’s probably during peak time, or the time when people like us who were just done with kenduri kawen and headed to JPO. So there’s a bit of queue at the entrance – cars taking parking tickets. But lucky us since Wan followed his instinct, we didn’t queue there instead we headed straight and there was another entrance. Parking was abundance but that didn’t stop many to park outside. I don’t know why. The entrance fee per entry is only RM3 daily. I don’t see why you have to be stingy when you are already going to JPO. If walking is an issue, then don’t bother going at all since there will be a lot of walking there for sure. Anyway, we got a good spot. As I said, parking was aplenty and it was on a public holiday.

The first thing I did was to change from my baju kurung to t-shirt and jeans. Heh. Dalam pada tak plan, Wan dah suruh bawak je baju persalinan. Biasaklah laki aku tu.. selalu sedia. There were a lot of people, of course. But because the place is spacious, crowd is not an issue. It is made to cater the crowd.

Altogether, this is the third Premium Outlets that I have been to – the other two are in the States. JPO is actually a branch of the same Premium Outlet. In Malaysia, Genting brought it as a joint venture with the company from the States. As with other Premium Outlets, you can expect the same layout. The only difference is the weather. Oh and the people. This is the only outlet that I have been to, that’s hot. And surrounded by Asians... muahahahahhaha..

Okay now.. my first impression when I knew that Premium Outlet was coming to town was happylah of course. I enjoyed shopping at the outlets in the States and it’s unbelievable that they were going to open up a branch in Malaysia. And the list of the stores that they have, gave me adrenalin rush. Tuu diaaa nampak sangat duniawi! Most of them are the stores that I like to visit. But then from what I heard from those who have been there, the excitement was just not the same as those who visited the store in the States. Kenapa ek? And so I have to find out..

One of the things Wan said when we were there was.. ‘nape tak banyak orang bawak beg banyak-banyak’... which is so true. Other Outlets that I have visited and Wan has visited, people will shop with bags load of stuff. Over in JPO, there was not much. There were more people that didn’t carry anything as compare to those who actually carry something. Even then, the quantity was small. Interesting.

So I went and checked out the stores..

I think the first store that we went into was Oroton. Oroton is a brand from Australia if I am not mistaken. I have not seen the store in outlets that I have visited in US. Price is okay... Errr... please take note that ‘okay’ here means that it’s ‘reasonably cheap’ for the brand. Ekekekeke.. But it doesn’t mean that it’s cheap for me. It’s cheap for the brand. Ada beza tu. Oh I didn’t mention that we went there with my parents – straight from kenduri kawen, remember? Abah and Mak are two very wise spender. They won’t spend on brands, they won’t spend unnecessarily, they would only buy what’s needed. Unlike me. Totally opposite. So kat dalam Oroton ni lagi Abah Mak dah sosek-sosek berdua dok goss pasal harga. I know that. Then later dalam kedai Tumi rasanya, Abah said to me.. harga beg tu boleh beli kete dia.. Ekekekeke.. Adoiiii!!! Camana nak shopping nih??!! Hahahaha.. Sabo je le.. Anyway, Oroton didn’t have anything that I really like. And Tumi, only carry very limited items, I think. Not interesting.

I saw people queuing outside Coach, so I didn’t bother queuing. Instead, we went to Michael Kors next door to Coach. I saw a handbag that I wanted to buy last year in US. The price is the same. Almost. Erk. Takpe. Tunggu dulu. The rest of the stuff are ‘reasonably’ priced as well. We got out of the shop to check out the rest first before decided on buying the bag. We went to Fossils. The range of things that they carry are okay but it was too crowded. Ramai gila orang dalam Fossils. Kata Wan, the range that they have in US are much better but still not bad. The watches sold there have very limited designs and the price is not all that cheap. In US, the watches sold in Fossils outlets are from USD30 which is about RM90 but those in JPO ranged from RM150, as what they claimed. Tu pun I didn’t find the watch. The cheapest I saw was RM220. Idak le murah.

Ada Vincci. Ada Padini. Bukan nak menyombong, but I think I can go to Vincci and Padini in KL ni. Melambak. They even have their concept stores in KL which is like the outlet as well. Idak le susah-susah nak ke JPO kalau nak ke Vincci or Padini kan. Errr.. that’s my honest comment. But I am not belittling those yang nak pegi. Dah alang-alang ke sana, why not jengok gak kalau ada yang interested, ye dak? Aku tak interested mostly sebab saiz takde.. Ekekekeke..

Polo Ralph Lauren tak bukak lagi. The store is still being decorated. I didn’t go to Burberry because I am not interested in the brand. Gap pun tak berapa menarik. Well to be fair, I didn’t really go and look at things displayed there. I saw a pair of jeans at RM259 or something like that and I think that’s expensive to be sold in an outlet. Kat KLCC boleh dapat kot that price? Unlike those in US. And in US, Gap Outlets sell perfumes and colognes. I was hoping that they have it here but they don’t. Baju pun macam leh dapat kat KLCC store je. Disappointing.

Adidas, Nike, Puma pun sama gak. Barang macam kat KL gak. Harga sama gak. Takde beza sangat pun. I saw the same baju in Adidas that I saw in KLCC a couple of months back and the price I think is exactly the same as the one in KLCC. How? Same thing with Timberland. They don’t have much stuff that can be called ‘factory outlet’. They probably sold things that you can get in KLCC because I saw the shoes that they sold are the same as those in KLCC. The shirts are not cheap either.

Clarks was okay. They carry old stocks but with lower price. Slightly lower which is okay. But the selection was limited. Wan got a pair for himself. Oklah tu setelah berpenat lelah berjalan.

Besides the stores, they have food court, kedai kopi mahal, kedai aiskrim mahal etc. So don’t worry about food. There are seats for those who want to relax as well. So it’s not bad.

Oh back to my Michael Kors... Muehehehe... After we had toured the area, we went back to Michael Kors. And we went to Coach since by then we didn’t have to queue anymore. I liked a bag, but the price is not much difference that those for clearance in KLCC. Slightly lower, but if you come from KL, taking into consideration the toll and the fuel and the food and the tiredness and accommodation if needed, might as well just buy in KLCC. Or Pavillion. Tak banyak ‘factory outlets’ stuff in the store. In US, I can get a wristlet at USD27 which is cheap for a Coach. It doesn’t matter that they are from the last year’s collection or even earlier. But not in JPO. Suma berantai mahal! Seriously macam tengok kat dalam KLCC. Besides, as I was walking around JPO, I saw plenty of people using Coach handbags. Banyak gila it’s like Coach tu cheap gila punya brand. It’s such a turn off for lak for me. Macam dah takde exclusivity dah. Errr.. but I still own Coach bags lah kan.. Hahahaha.. can’t deny that the designs are good. I also asked Mak which one was better – the Michael Kors or Coach and Mak chose Michael Kors. Wan pun. And so I bought the Michael Kors. With that bag, I have completed the shopping for handbag for this year! Ekekekeke.. Patutnya completed shopping for handbag for many more years to come, hokeh! Aku tak rasa akan reput beg-beg yang aku ada tu..

Wokeh. I guess cukup dah review of JPO. I saw in online news that there’s a plan to open Premium Outlets in Melaka and Selangor. So there you go peeps.. no need to go all the way to Johor anymore. Tapi bila nak bukak tu tak taulah kan.

Angah

Recharged

I just came back to the office today after being away for almost two weeks. Two wonderful weeks. And I think I am recharged.

Taking my time off from work at the beginning of the year is something that I have done for the past few years since I got married. Called it second or third or fourth or whatever honeymoon or whatever you want. It doesn’t matter because to me and Wan it’s ‘our time’. The time normally coincides with either our anniversary based on Hijrah year or based on Masihi year. So it’s either within 12th Rabiulawal or 31st March. What we have done before was to travel. Normally it’s within the country. But this year, we didn’t do that. We thought of going to the east coast but because there weddings in between the dates, we decided not to. Instead, the time was spent between Seremban, Pilah, Melaka and KL. Oh we went to Johor for a short visit as well. And JPO. And that’s in another entry ;)

What happened this time around was I got ‘recharged’. I came back to the office today lightheaded. Not worrying much about work. I found peace with myself – doesn’t matter if it’s only temporary and I am going to start meroyan in the next day or so. Ekekekeke..

I ‘encountered’ soul-searching. I didn’t plan for it, hence ‘encountered’. I think it has a lot to do with the month Rabiulawal – the birth month of our beloved Rasulullah SAW. There’s a lot of ceramahs on tv about him as well on other shows. A lot of things that I learned about him, that I never knew before. I know more about Hang Tuah, the ‘mystical’ figure rather than about our Rasulullah SAW. How lah to call myself a muslim kan? Malu je kan? Urgh. Nyampah dengan diri sendiri. I am sure there a lot more that I don’t know about him. One of the things I learned is that, doing something without knowing that it’s a sunnah Rasulullah SAW won’t give us pahala. But, doing the same thing after knowing that it’s a sunnah and berniat doing it to follow sunnah give us pahala. Duh! Yelah, dosa pahala reward tu suma kerja Allah. Who are we to question it kan. But the point to stress her is knowledge is important. Otherwise, we are wasting a lot of pahala that we could have collected.

Besides watching tv, I did some reading as well. Tak banyak pun and it’s not purely ilmiah. I learned from a magazine that duniawi ni macam air laut. The more we drink, the thirstier we become. And added by a friend.. ended up mati kering. It means that, the more we have, the more we want. It will never be enough. Which is indeed true, at least for me. When I earned so much, I live within my means. And now I am earning more than what I used to, I don’t think my way of life is much better than before. Yes, I don’t have to worry much about money, but still I am not debt free. Lagi banyak duit, lagi banyak hutang orang nak offer. Temptation is always there. Itulah namanya I am sucked into duniawi sangat. Alangkah baiknya kalau lagi tua, lagi banyak ilmu akhirat kan.. Ni tak. Grrrrr..

Probably since there was no stress to kejar duniawi, I can recite some zikir peacefully. Or rather ‘remember’ to zikir. Kalau tak, manjang takde masa. Walhal there’s plenty of time wasted unnecessarily – especially when I layan those angry birds. I should be angry with myself lah! That’s the bad side of iPad. I downloaded many games apps. Salah sendiri. The good side of it is I also downloaded Quran, doa, etc. So basically in the iPad, I have both sides of the world – the good and bad. Got to choose them wisely. Favourite zikir is ‘Ya Wahab’ yang si Put ajar. Pastu got to remember to selawat banyak-banyak ke atas Rasulullah SAW. Important tu. Kata Ustaz Don, masa Rasulullah SAW nak wafat dulu, dalam perbualan dia dengan Jibrail masa nazak tu, Jibrail bagitau yang dia orang pertama masuk syurga pastu diikuti oleh umat dia, then baru orang lain. Somehow if I understand it right, it means that kalau kita dapat masuk syurga, kita akan masuk syurga lebih awal dari nabi-nabi yang lain. So selawat lah banyak-banyak. Itu keuntungan jadik umat Rasulullah SAW.

Anyway, all in all, these are the things that recharged me. Besides that, it helps to be away from home.. err but I was at my parents’ place most of the time. Home jugak, cuma tak serabut mikir nak kemas rumahlah etc.

I just hope that this energy stays for a longggggggggggggggg while with me. I need to keep motivated mentally, physically and spiritually. Basically it’s mind, body and soul. Three different parts of me that requires three different ‘food’. And it’s my responsibility to find the food.

Angah

Ampaian

i doubt makcik yg punya cadar ni tau the meaning behind valentine's day.. ekekeke... photo taken in pilah..

Sejarah mengajar kita

I read an interesting interview over the weekend between Mingguan Malaysia and Prof Dr. Khoo Kay Kim about the sejarah Melayu and the existence on Hang Tuah. To me personally who lacks general knowledge and any other knowledge for that matter, when Malaysian history issues are discussed, the only person that come to mind is Dr. Khoo. To me he is a renown historian and he is an expert about Malaysian history.. errr... yelah kan.. dah berpuluh-puluh tahun hidup mengkaji sejarah kan.. kalau tak expert gak, tak tau lah nak kata.

I took history when I was in form 4 and form 5. We were given an option of taking either history or geography and I opted for history. For a simple reason – there’s only one book for history and a few books for geography. I am lazy, hence opted for history. Plus I just couldn’t get it into my head all the climates, location of places, pekerjaan penduduk (if only I could answer the people in the country work as clerk, engineer, doctor, driver among others.. senang kan?) etc etc. History is simpler, I think. It’s purely fact, with no alternate answer.

Years after I left school only I understood the importance of history. Because of history, we sold our fresh water to Singapore at dirt cheap price which is almost like giving them FOC and in return we pay them huge amount of money for ‘clean’ water from them. Because of history, we lost the battle over Pulau Batu Putih, a tiny little island but with huge significant strategically. Because of history, we have the races in Malaysia like it is now. And plenty more. It’s all because of history. In order to understand the reasons of those that happened, we need to understand the history behind it. And I only realised about it when I got to know Lis – who I think is very passionate about history, that she took South East Asian Study (or something like that) in university. Gilak! Tak pernah aku dengar orang nak study benda alah tu. And yet she did. That’s really passion. If it’s not about passion, I don’t think anyone would learn it. I am pretty damn sure that’s it’s all about reading and researching and comprehending what has been read. Bahan lelap mata untuk aku tu. And I believe that’s the kind of passion that historians have. History is really a story telling, if you can make it interesting enough and if you can keep your eyes open while reading and understanding and memorising the facts. I am not one of them who can do that. Since I took history because I have to, I didn’t excel in it. I spotted questions for my SPM and I am not all that luckylah kan. Ekekeke.. Tak sanggup aku nak baca and hafal every facts in the history book. Penuh brain cells aku and harus leh nyanyuk! Ekekekeke.. Tuuuu dia alasan orang pemalas, okeh!

Anyway, when I was in school, Sejarah Kesultanan Melayu Melaka still evolved around how Parameswara opened Melaka until the day Portuguese came and followed by Dutch. I can’t recall Hang Tuah’s character in the book. I am not even sure if it’s there. But I sure know about Hang Tuah lima bersaudara. And Hang Li Po. And kesetiaan Hang Tuah. If it’s not from book, or hearing it from others, it must be from P Ramlee’s movie. I used to wonder how the story came about. I wonder if there’s any proof of such story. I don’t think there’s much proof on Sejarah Melayu, unlike those of Greek history, or Dutch history or any European history. Nak kata tinggalan bangunan pun takde because they were wooden buildings and all were somehow burned down.. or probably dimakan anai-anai or reput over the years.. Photographic evidence apatah lagi. So the best would be written evidence, if any. But I wonder who would have kept preserved such evidence. Entah.

From the weekend’s paper, I understood that Prof. Khoo had came out with a statement that Hang Tuah doesn’t really exist and he is only a legendary figure because there’s no proof of his existence. I am pretttyyyy sure that there are many who would disagree with him. Interestingly, in the same paper, there’s a group that came out with a statement saying that they are the descendants from Hang Tuah and Tun Perak. Apparently, they claimed that Tun Perak was Hang Tuah’s father in law. Waaa... I am curious to know which daughter of Tun Perak managed to win the heart of Hang Tuah. According to them, there’s a manuscript or book or something that prove Hang Tuah’s existence and that material has been kept in secret by the descendents of Hang Tuah, and only a few lucky ones have been granted the privilege of reading it. Why eh? I am curious. Because of the statement made by Prof. Khoo, this group is willing to share the material. I personally can’t wait for it. It would be great, man!! Barulah real kewujudan orang yang kata ‘Takkan Melayu Hilang di Dunia’, kan? All these while, cuma kewujudan orang yang kata ‘Melayu Mudah Lupa’ je yang aku tau.. Ekekekek.. Interesting indeed.

Prof. Khoo also said in the interview that yes, people claimed that there’s Hang Tuah’s tomb in Melaka which is unnamed. But, there’s also claim that Hang Tuah never returned from Gunung Ledang. So which is which? He can’t be disappearing in Gunung Ledang yet there’s his tomb in Melaka. Betul gak kan? So the storyline has to be accurate since history is fact. There’s no alternative to a fact.

Besides Hang Tuah, Prof. Khoo touched the points where many Malaysians took for granted or don’t even bother of knowing. Many roads in KL are named after historical figures like Jalan Maharajalela, Jalan Raja Chulan to name a few. Maharajalela is a taken from Datuk Maharajalela who killed JWW Birch. But many don’t know that ‘Maharajalela’ is only his title. His real name is something else.. and... damn I have forgotten the name despite reading it over the weekend. Hish! And how many of us really know who is Raja Chulan? Interesting kan? Nasib I know Tuanku Abdul Rahman.. and Tunku Abdul Rahman.. errr which one is Jalan TAR eh? The first Agung or the first PM? Hahahahahah.. Mamposlah tu pun tak tau. He also mentioned that there are other figures that worth to be remembered like the first Malay doctor. Korang tau? His name is Dr. Latiff and I have forgotten his full name. Hampeh sangat!!

Errr tu baru sejarah Melayu and sejarah Malaysia. Sejarah Islam, how? Lagi haru.. I am pretty sure that I don’t know much about our Rasulullah SAW. Probably I know more about some people who can’t give me syafaat di akhirat nanti. Haru sangat kan? And yet I ‘claimed’ to love Rasulullah SAW. Sejarah perjuangan dia menegakkan Islam, sahabat-sahabat dia, those who fought the battle with him during zaman jahiliyah etc. I don’t know much about how Islam came to Spain and Turkey when it’s actually something interesting to learn. I actually have a lot of time to read about those facts if I want to. But I prefer to learn about angry birds now. Damn you angry birds! If only I can find ways to get addicted to read these histories kannnnnn...

So peeps.. how much do you know about any history?

Angah

Announcement Air Hostess Style

Have you ever flown on a commercial flight and really listened carefully to what air hostess said when he/she made in-flight announcement? Honestly, I always think that they have their own language. It’s universal, and it’s their language.

I don’t know where they learn to speak the language. I would presume in the air hostess’ school. Of course I can’t say anything about it when the announcement was made in language other than Malay or English. But I would think that it would be just the same.

Frankly, I think they really, really need to work on their diction. They really, really need to learn how to pronounce the words properly. It can’t be too difficult. Even if they are as dumb as whatever, if they keep on reading the same script over and over and over again for probably a gazillion time, they should be able to pronounce it better every time. They could even learn to pronounce it in Queen’s English or any accent that they want but proper. Or for the Malay version, to me they could say it in any dialect they want depending on the route of the flight. It doesn’t matter to me but it has to be proper. Instead, they decided to pronounce words their way – like ‘I did it my way’ kind of thing. Cute kot?

I seriously feel that they should employ people who train those newscasters to train them. They are making safety announcement for goodness sake or any other important announcement in flight. And, if it’s important enough to make such announcement, then it should be important enough for them to pay attention to what they are saying. Mumbling or saying things that are undecipherable won’t help. And they way the pronounce things irritate me. They don’t know which points to stress on or which points that they can lay it low. They probably think that saying things in their own ‘soft’ way or ‘meleweh’ (I seriously don’t know any other words for this) way work for the passengers. Even the male hostesses say things in the same ‘soft’ way. Gosh.

Erk. Why do I blog about this? Dah lama dah nak blog about this but I keep on forgetting. I always ‘blog’ about it in my head when I fly but never really put it in writing. So this is sort of a long overdue entry. Ekekekeke.. Aci tak?

Happy Friday people. I just wish I could fly anywhere for a holiday!

Angah

Teringat - Roti Canai

Weather was good. And so was traffic. Many KL dwellers were probably still sound asleep or happily holidaying somewhere away from hustling and bustling KL. I was having roti canai for my breakfast when the images of the past came to mind.

Back then, mamak shops were not a common sight. Not many stalls that sell nasi lemak or kuih for breakfast either. And I can’t recall many food outlets around. Most of the time, when we ate something, they had to be home cooked. And to me, Emak is an excellent cook. Not that she can cook like those decorated chefs. But whatever she cooks, are to my liking. Okay, not all but most of them. And she cooks almost everything. All the lauks for lunch and dinner, and kuihs for breakfast or teatime. Including roti canai.

The skill of making kuihs is probably common to many Malay women – especially the generation above me. I can’t say the same about my generation. But I am not sure about the skill of making roti canai. I am not sure if many mothers know how to make roti canai. But I am sure Emak can or could actually make roti canai.

Growing up, I loved to be with Emak when she was in the kitchen. I would spend time with her in the kitchen and helped her with little chores that she would asked me to. I would be with her when she cooked daily meals after she came back from work late evening. I would be with her when she woke up early to cook nasi lemak for breakfast. I would be with her when she made karipap and attempted on making one myself even though Emak would say that the karipap looked like my face. Comel lah tu kannn.. Ekekekeke.. I would be with her when she made kuih raya during the fasting month. I would also be with her when she made roti canai.

Emak would prepare the dough the night before. I don’t know where she learned how to make the dough. Certainly not from Google. She would tebar the roti canai just like the pros and then later in the morning cooked like the pros as well. I can’t recall the taste, and I can’t recall if there’s any complain. So I guess her roti canais were as good as those from the shops.

I wonder if Emak can still make roti canai or still remember how to make one. Of course there’s no need for that anymore with a lot of shops and stalls selling roti canai around. And not forgetting those frozen and readymade ones. But the fact that once upon at time she made roti canai for the family is something that’s worth remembering her for. Probably if I were a mother in those years where Google and internet and iPad were not in existence, my kids would only have bread for breakfast. Nasiblah.

Angah

Baby #11

Berbudi kepada tanah #2

Berbudi kepada tanah #1

Baby #9

15 minutes Miri

I first went to Miri probably more than 10 years ago. It was not a bandaraya yet. Errr.. I learned from ADUN kita kat Miri tu that for a place to be called a bandaraya, the population has to be more than 500,000. Serius? Gilak ramai orang kat Miri sekarang ni dah! Hahahahaha.. Back then it was not. It was still a small town where the economy of the town revolves around oil and gas. While the economy is still revolving around oil and gas, the town now has more to offer than before. There are a lot more shopping malls, there are a few kedai kopi mahal now when there was none before, there are a lot more hotels and there’s even a Marriott there now. That’s how much Miri has evolved over the years.

Bordering Brunei at Kuala Belait, the Bruneians including the large number of expatriates working in Brunei would flood Miri on weekends. When there are a lot of things are considered illegal in Brunei like consuming alcohol in restaurants or bars, these activities are legal here hence attracted them all to come. And because of them, you don’t expect things to turn out cheap in Miri. It’s probably like JB where there’s demand from rich neighbours that they can afford to price things at slightly higher scale compare to other places.

Besides being a small bandaraya, I always thought that there’s not much attraction in Miri. Everytime I went there which was not often, it’s purely work. No pleasure. There’s really nothing else for me to do. The only attraction that I knew then was the first oil well in Malaysia which is located on top of Canada Hill. It amazed me that the first oil in Malaysia was not discovered offshore but on top of a hill. And it was back in 1910. I love history (not when I have to memorise every single details of it for exams though) and that place is indeed one of the historical places in Malaysia.

This time around when I had to go to Miri for work, as usual, I was dreading to go to there. But something changed when I remembered the ADUN there. I contacted her and syukur she was available to spend her precious time with me in Miri. And together with her, I learned to see Miri differently. She was more than happy to take me around her town that she claimed has progressed a lot since she returned. Berlagak gila! Hahahaha.. They even have Giant hypermarket, occay! She showed me places that I would otherwise not explore on my own. There are a lot of rich people in Miri and their houses or probably mansions are huge! She even took me to the beach – probably something that I have never seen before in Miri. Yeah I know that Miri is by the sea but I have never been to any of the beaches before. They have nice beach... at least the one that the ADUN took me to lah. Yang lain I don’t know. The beach is so landai, and it’s something like Bagan Lalang’s beach. Even the colour of the sea is also the same – berlumpur! Ekekekeke.. But oh it’s so tranquil.

One of the things that I noticed is that when you approach a local to ask for the length of time it takes to get from one point to another, the answer would most probably be 15 minutes. Be it from town to airport, from a hotel to a customer’s place, from airport to hotel.. anywhere.. it’s always 15 minutes. I told the ADUN about it and to her it’s something that she is not really aware of until I pointed it out. Yes she gave the '15 minutes' answer but is not aware that that applies to almost all situations. It’s funny that we once timed my journey from a point where I was at and headed back to my office in Miri. The ADUN said that there’s no way it’s going to take 15 minutes. It had to be more because wherever she was then, which was half of the distance to my office, would already take 15 minutes to my office. So by right it should be 30 minutes. Funny enough, I made it in 15 minutes. And the driver was not even speeding because of the traffic. And, she took 15 minutes as well to get to my office! Hahahahaha.. lawak!

And, that 15 minutes thingy somehow applies to more than just ‘distance’. We had our kopi mahal in Marriott and she wanted to order a clubhouse sandwich. The waitress told her that it’s going to take a while for the preparation. Which was 15 minutes. I tell you, it was hilarious!

So there you go! Miri the 15-minutes-bandaraya ;)

Angah

Post note - 'ADUN' is NOT the official ADUN ye! Ekekekeke.. Jangan saman gue!

Dinner

just testing...

Mimpi yang tak sudah

I always dream (as in bercita-cita) of taking my parents to visit the land downunder. I want them go see the place that I lived in 4 years of my life away from them. Of course lebih mulia kalau aku bawak diorang gi ke Tanah Suci, kan? But that's not the point. My parents are more than mampu to go to Tanah Suci on their own. More mampu than me, due to their way of life.. banyak menyimpan, kurang boros and 'kedekut'. Kedekut is good, okay. Not all the time it's good, but in the context of my life, I should actually be a kedekut sikit. Ni terlalu permurahlah jadik gini. And aku melalut dah dari topik. Ish.

Back to the topic.. I know that my parents won't really spend their money travelling anywhere but to Tanah Suci. The only time that I managed to pursuade them to do so was for one of their umrahs where I told them to take ziarah to other country as well. Other country pun tanah milik Allah gak. Ada sejarah gak. So why not. And so they went but I forgot dah which country was that. Errr ke takde gak? Entah. Lupa.

I have taken them somewhere else though. The furthest that I could afford to take them to was Egypt. Then yang lain tu cuma ke Indonesia. But still tak dapat lagi nak bawak diorang ke Australia.

But somehow, I have dreamt a few times.. these are dreams in sleep kind of dreams ye.. that I have taken them to Melbourne. And probably every time I had the dream, the same thing happened in the dream - that I didn't manage to take them to the Queen Victoria Market. Ok, it's THAT specific. I managed to take them to Melbourne but I would miss visiting the market for some reasons. The market, for those who don't know, it's like a big place that sells souvenirs. Ada gak portion yang jual barang macam kat pasar tu. But it's known to visitors as a place to get souvenirs. Although most of the stuff are made in China, tapi still orang beli gak. And I always like that place. I can spend hours roaming the alleys looking at stuff. And it's definitely one of the places that I would like my parents to see besides my school and the houses that I used to live in.

And so I wonder kenapa I always mimpi macam tu. Pelik. And I always felt tak sedap je dalam mimpi tu bila tak dapat bawak diorang gi market tu. I know mimpi tu mainan tido. And I have never got my dream interpreted. And I don't think I would ever do that. Cuma I wonder if there are others who experienced the same. Takat mimpi nak exam tu, aku tak larat nak ceritalah kan. Bosan kalau mimpi gitu. Penat mimpi. Study tak abih lah, exam kantoilah, tak sempat nak gi amik examlah. Oh I just hate those dreams.

Okay dah. Tu je nak update. Terkenang tetiba. Till then.

Angah

Demotivated

My good friend has just tendered his resignation. Dah lah down with the flu, down lagi dengan berita ni. I just came in to work this morning after being away for 5 days - sick. And today pun I am not in the best mood to work. Hidung masih meleleh, kepala macam floating je. I don't know if it's because of the virus, or because of the medication. Either way, I am not feeling at the top of the world. And I got my increment letter this morning which is not all that great. Alhamdulillah, syukur itu rezeki Allah untuk aku. Aku terima. But somehow since through the grapevine I came to know about salary of others with the same position as me, I can't help but feel not motivated. So, with all those, I am officially demotivated.

Demotivated as in I really don't know what to do or want to achieve at work anymore. Yes money pays the bills. And I am ever thankful to Allah for that. Sikit banyaknya yang Dia anugerahkan kat aku on monthly basis, aku bersyukur. Cuma aku tak tau apa lagi yang aku nak achieve lagi kat sini. Nak carik keje lain, I feel like I am too old for that. Boleh? Looking at people around me, memang aku yang tua lah in this team. But there are a lot of examples out there where older people are actually still happily working. They still have things to achieve at work and hala tuju tu clear je. Aku ni, aku rasa macam tak skillful to do other things. I do well in whatever that I am doing now. Tapi macam benda-benda boring. Nothing excites me for the time being.

Looking at things, I am probably excited when I am at home. Even when I was sick and sitting at home doing nothing. I feel more alive. I thought about maybe I need to look for other options. But when I think again, it's going to make me feel the same again. And I think the best thing is for me to do something on my own. I just feel like dropping it all and venture into something - my own. And the major problem that I have is my life is not debt free. If only it is, I would be happy to quit my job and goyang kaki doing nothing while wondering what I want to do with life.

Life is short. Just do it. Errkkk.. I am not Nike lah kan.

Agaknyalah kan, kalau aku bertahan dulu, and for the time being fokus on clearing the debt and not making any new ones, mungkin leh abih cepat kot hutang? Talking about that, I need to advertise my apartment in Cyberia tu secepat mungkinlah.

I need to start my own business lah. Tapi keberanian tak cukup. Takut tu lebih dari segala. Maybe it's about making a bold decision and just go for it. Maybe lah. Tapi kalau terlungkup, what's worse that could happen? Paling tak pun jadik bangkrap je lah kan? For as long as tak ambik hutang dengan AhLong ok kot? Or should I pindahkan nama asset pada orang lain? Cheeeewaaahhhh.. macam banyak asset kan?? Ada rumah dengan kete je pun. Nak letak rumah tu atas nama sapa pun tak tau. Or maybe that's the wrong mindset already to begin with? Thinking about failure before even starting?

Oh people.. I need some words of wisdom..

Angah

Resting

i am at my parents' place. took leave for 2 days because my sis was suppose to undergo ceaser yesterday and my dad was to have his check up. no one to look after the kids. so this sister decided to volunteer.

but fate interjected and this leave ended up to be a sick leave. i am down with sinus. i have never been diagnosed with it. but somehow thought that it could be sinus the night before. the pain is in my skull area macam kat cheek bone, jaw, above the eyes. kepala pun rasa berat semacam. badan macam seram sejuk. combined with selsema and batuk and sore throat. memang knocked me out. doctor kata it's because the rongga is filled with fluid.

my sis pun tak jadik nak operate since she is also sick. doctor advised her to do it next week. kat rumah ni dah macam hospital. wan pun tengah terbaring je tu. he is down, probably with sinus as well. mak just recovered from demam this week and abah lak selsema.

times like this, i am just glad that my family is not far away. can't imagine kalau aku dok kat ganu ke..

and yesterday wan asked me... camana kalau kita dah umur 50 eh? jawab aku.. tu pasal kena jaga anak-anak buah ni. hoefully leh tumpang kasih sayang diorang.. 50 is not too far away for us actually. so selagi mampu, tabur budi banyak-banyak, carik duit banyak-banyak, jaga kesihatan. it's true that health is wealth.

so, dah makan vitamin? ekekeke...

angah

p/s: excuse any typo. guna ipad update nih.

Celoteh on LCCT

I haven't taken a flight anywhere for a while. I think the last one I took was to US. And there's a horror story to that flight. Nantilah bila free I'll write it. Not horror as in the flight crashed or anything like that. Takut lak kang korang dok expect cerita ganas gitu. No. Ni lite-lite punya horror.

Errr but that's not what I wanted to cerita here.

The cerita here is about my observation on LCCT semalam. After not being there for a while and got to go there to get to Miri, aku rasa tempat tu dah macam Puduraya suatu waktu dahulu dah. Minus the smoke from exhaust bas. Yang lain, sama. Ok, minus the litter and the smell of air kencing. For those yang tak penah guna Puduraya, dulu boleh ada smell aku kencing sebab obviously someone kencing kat area-area tangga gitu. Boleh? Memang tak cukup sivik depa ni. Ok, so people yang guna LCCT masih lagi civilised up to certain extend lah.

Maybe that's the same everywhere with low fare flights terminals. Maybe. But what I have seen ithe one in UK and it is not like that. Pastu aku terpikir... mungkin sebab kat UK tu sejuk kot? That adds to the 'ambience' condition which makes it more relaxing rather than kat Mesia ni panas buta? Entah. Tapi manusia punyalah ramai. People are just everywhere. Tempat duduk sikit, most people just roam around, dengan full pack nya kat kedai makan, dengan people beratur, dengan macam-macam lagilah. Sesak mata aku. Tempat tu sempit gila ke ha? Memang rasa macam nak naik bas murah je. Tak cukup dengan manusia, kereta pun main berenti mana diorang nak and drop and wait for people. Drop tu aku tak kisah. Yang menunggu idlly in the cars aku kesah. Because they are blocking a lane. Nak gerak payah. Tu tak cukup sivik tu. But then again, memang takde tempat untuk diorang menunggu lak. Kalau nak tunggu, kena tunggu somewhere along the highway approaching LCCT kot. Tu baru tak mengganggu trafik. LCCT yang baru nanti aku tak tau camana lak rupa dia. I just hope that they invest on multilevel carpark. It helps a lot. Ni kereta rata-rata. Asal leh campak kete tu, campak je. Sesak mata aku memandang.

Nasib semalam tu aku sampai just in time. Aku masuk just ngam-ngam the time they announced untuk boarding. So I didn't have to roam looking for seat or wonder what to do to kill time.

Pastu aku sempat observe.. aku memang tak gemar tengok anak-anak kapal punya baju yang kurang 'kelas'. To me, MAS is still the best in that sense. Baju kemas, rambut tersusun, mekap standard. So used to that, that I think everything else kurang kelas. Boleh? Sungguh bias aku nih. Sungguh particular about benda-benda kecik ginih. Padahal for as long as they provide the necessary service, what the hell kan? And, ada lak tu semalam aku nampak stewardess AA ni punya belah skirt dah macam rabak sikit, so nampak the lining of the skirt terkeluar from celah belah tu. Geram je aku tengok. Nak je aku sekolahkan diorang. Boleh? Sick kan aku ni?? Hahahahaha..

Whatever it is, I just hope that they don't compromise on safety. They can cut cost anywhere else, as long as it's not to the point that they put safety at risk. And on that matter, aku wonder sapa audit them on safety..

Angah